Frank's Craft

Camping on the Murray River, in the Barmah Forest, is a favourite pastime of mine.  Up at six fifteen this particular morning and as normal for a caffeine addict, had the fire lit and warming the water, in preparation for the first hit.  Fire, water and coffee combined and I have the first cup of coffee, for the day.  Sitting down sipping, watching the river drift past as the first rays of sun penetrate the gum trees guarding the river banks.  This time of morning is normally reserved for the nocturnal wildlife to take a last drink, before disappearing for another day and for the rare human who happens to appreciate nature at its best. 

Today was unusual and established routines were interrupted.  Coming down the river was a craft that should not have been on the river and definitely should not have been mobile at such an early hour.  The craft which could be best described as, cast iron bath like, except for the shape of the front, which did point a little like a boat.  Constructed on and above this iron vessel, was a frame made of plastic water pipes.  A blue plastic sheet was draped over, for shade from the sun or shelter from the rain.  Picture the old style four poster bed, and change its drapes to blue and you have a fair idea.  Briefly it crossed my mind that maybe the Barmah Bunyip did exist but then I remembered, it was morning and I was sober.

 Now the size of this weird vessel was about that of a bath or bed.  Once it was close enough to see more detail I came quickly to the conclusion it was not a speed boat and as there was no wake trailing and its progress through the water was about the same as the rivers current.  I took the risk and deducted that it was not a fisherman out early either.  From under the blue canopy, a paddle did move occasionally, keeping this floating thing, pointing downstream.  That meant someone had to be on board and I having a curious nature, decided to take a risk and yell the traditional words, " Ship Ahoy ".  

From under the blue plastic, a head pokes and replies to the vocal salute, "G'day mate".  Contact having being established and obviously both of us spoke the English language, but only just, as I was to learn shortly,  I promoted the fires ability, to boil water, and suggested a cup of coffee for the intrepid traveller.  As the floating piece of iron closed in on the bank I was quick to observe that the propulsion, this transport had was only human.  By now it was almost six thirty in the morning and I secured Frank's temporarily heavy transport, to the bank.  

Frank pours himself out a cup of vodka and orange to ensure his cup is sterilized, then drinks it to make room for the proffered coffee in the cup, before clambering ashore.  We pass an hour and thirty odd minutes chewing the fat, and finding out a little about each other.  Turns out Frank builds a craft every year, puts it on the Murray River and drifts downstream for about three months or so.  If the wind is blowing, the wrong way he just reads.  Most nights the wind stops blowing so Frank sets the boat adrift and sleeps.  

I had plans of walking downstream, to a caravan park store for a paper that very morning.   I fearlessly suggested to Frank that maybe instead of yakking on the bank I would come for a ride on his boat and give him a hand to paddle it, for the next five kilometres.  The offer was accepted and once we were moving down the river in the current, Frank forgot the small talk.  Turns out besides his annual regatta, he lives on canned food, ,alcoholic beverage, was born in Germany,  left while under probation, has been in jail for many offences, none of which he was guilty of, of course.  Holds two passports to two different countries.  Has two current Australian drivers licenses, in two different names.  Has had at least three wives over the years and they all took advantage of him, not at the same time though.  Lost both his thumbs in industrial accidents. 

His boat was named, "Elvis II",  it was unregistered, it had no life jackets and on the stern was written, "Jesus is coming, he must be pissed"!

 The caravan park came into sight and I was happy to disembark.  Gave Frank a wave goodbye and wished him a safe journey.  Between you and I, the good news was it was impossible to paddle that boat upstream!